-Where have you been? -l was getting engaged.
Come on.
This fellow came when l was leaving. He wants to marry me.
l didn't want to keep you waiting, so l got engaged to him.
-ls it all right? Am l on time? -Fine.
ln fact, we have 10 more minutes.
-lf you'd like to go back and marry him.... -Come on.
Would you check your parcel, please?
Thank you.
Just checking on the accommodations.
Don't start that. Not again.
l could swear that....
Well, we have a few moments for cultural improvement.
How do we get past the alarm?
Like this gentlemen here...
l'm depending on normal human reactions.
Blue period?
Regard the subtle harmony of color.
Now, the nice thing about complicated mechanical devices is...
if they do suddenly go haywire....
Yes. What's after haywire?
Well, the people in charge have a tendency to panic...
and to run around in confused circles, and at that moment we strike.
A superb Rembrandt.
Now, this is, to coin a phrase, the point of no return.
ln precisely one minute, the closing bell will ring.
We can leave with the others and have a quiet dinner, or we stay.
Then we're committed to go through with it.
Do you really want it...
that much?
More!
Okay. You're the boss. Just do as l tell you.
Stand by for the countdown.
Six, five, four...
three, two, one....
Now!
Watch for normal human reactions.
Comfy?
l hadn't counted on there being quite so much togetherness.
lt's the height of the tourist season. Everything was booked.
This was the best l could do.
He locked the door. He's locked us in.
lt's challenging, l admit, but doesn't that make it more interesting?
-l'm going to faint. -Don't. There's no room.
All right, boys.
Didn't you hear me?
8:01 on the nose.
Now we have a fix on when they make their rounds.
Exactly every hour.
We're still locked in. How about that, mastermind?
Hold that.
Brilliant!
-lt doesn't open from the inside. -Blast!
However, by a strange coincidence...
l just happen to have....
Now.
Marvelous.
No applause, please.
Wait till you see what l do for an encore.
What are you doing?
Give it to me. Here.
Put those on. Get cracking.
Turn around.
What for?
They go on over the clothes.
There. Thank you.
Congratulations! You look terrible.
Can we steal that statue soon?
-l hate to complain but really-- -Have patience. We will.
When? And how?
Now look, if you were a guard...
and had to sit night after night guarding junk you couldn't afford...
and didn't particularly like, how would you feel?
lrritable.
Oh, no!
-lt's psychological warfare. -With that?
Turn on the lights. Follow me!
''Ring out, wild bells! ''
Look around! You spread out! Come with me.
Everything is in order.
-Nothing is missing. -l checked. lt isn't a short circuit.
Scientists!
A burglar alarm especially designed to give me heartburn.
-Sorry, sir. -Thank you.
Kléber-Lafayette Museum. Senior Guard speaking.
l regret very much if the Minister and the Madam Minister...
have been disturbed.
Yes, l know it's a very loud alarm.
We don't know why it went off.
We checked everything, and so did the police. But....
No, sir, nothing is missing, and the alarms are set again.
l'm sorry, sir. Good night, sir.
The Prefecture of Police.
The alarm bells woke up the Minister of the lnterior.
Good!
l'm so scared.
My heart's thumping.
l just feel terrible.
l'd send for a doctor but l honestly don't think he'd fit in the closet.
l'm so scared for you, too. l had no right to involve you in this.
And if you want to call it off, l....
Well, that's a kind thought and l appreciate it, but then....
What about Prof. Bauer?
What happens tomorrow when he turns up to test your million-dollar baby?
lt's a fake, isn't it?
No long, involved stories at this time of night.
Just nod your head, yes or no.
Who carved it?
-My grandfather. -Who posed for it?
My grandmother.
-You're the first to notice a resemblance. -l'm very sensitive and perceptive.
How long have you known about her, and me, and....
Since you first asked me to steal it.
But then if you knew the Venus was worthless...
why did you....
That's why.
l'm so stupid.
Explain it to me again.
Funny how roomy it's suddenly become in here.
We're adjusting to our environment.
What is it?
l'm sorry. lt's my engagement ring. l forgot about it.
So did l. Congratulations.
May l kiss the bride?
For one thing, whose bride am l kissing?
l don't know. Some American. His name's Leland Davis.
Or Davis Leland?
They're lucky fellows, both of them.
Second round coming up.
Just marking my place.
Don't go away.
Find him! Look around.
Pretty soon, someone's going to get awfully tired of this racket.
Normal human reaction.
Jacquart speaking, Senior Guard at the Kléber-Lafayette Museum.
At your service, Excellency!
Yes, sir, l know it makes a terrible noise, Excellency.
lt was installed for just that purpose.
No, Excellency, l didn't install it.
Yes, sir, l know it is the second time tonight.
lt will be rectified right away. Good night, Excellency.
Now guess who we woke up?
Switch off the lights.
l'm going to turn it off!
Permanently!
lt worked.
What do you know. They've turned off the A-B....
-lt worked! -Didn't you expect it to?
-Pull yourself together. You're a genius. -l know. lt's a funny feeling.
Look, wait until the moment of maximum confusion...
and then start scrubbing like mad in the direction of the guards' room.
-Guards' room? -That's right.
But the guards!
When they see that the Venus is gone there will be guards everywhere...
except the guards' room.
-Shall we? -Thank you.
Come here.
Hang on to your bucket.
Stay here.
You there, Nicole?
Get back there.
You know, Grandpa was pretty good.
To say nothing of Grandma.
Now, in the chimney with you, till the scrubwomen come.
Good luck.
What a night we've had!
One alarm after another. And telephone calls from everybody.
Who do you think called from across the street?
Don't just stand there gaping. Get to your post, man!
And don't hesitate when l give an order!
Alarm!
Robbers! Crooks!
Get this silly bottle out of here!
Can you give us a brief history of the Venus, Mr. Bonnet?
Have the police reported any progress yet?
Did you turn down $1,000,000 for it?
How did you learn about the robbery?
l woke up in the night with a sudden premonition.
l thought it was something l'd eaten.
But Mr. Grammont, the director of the museum...
he called and l believe he's on his way here.
Are you offering a reward for the return of the Venus?
No! What l mean to say is...
that it seems so commercial to think of money at a time like this.
l just heard the news. l can't believe my ears or my eyes.
Absolutely fantastic! To pull off a thing like that!
l guarantee that the police are investigating.
The police? Man, where's your spirit? lf we wait for the police...
the Venus will be out of the country! We'll never set eyes on it again.
De Solnay, l'm still vitally interested in the Cellini Venus, hot or cold.
Do you know what l mean by that?
Leland! Do you know what you're saying? You're compounding a felony.
Offering to become a receiver of stolen goods.
l'm an art lover.
As a public service, l want to make an independent inquiry to help the police.
ls that a crime?
And if you find it, a step ahead of the police?
You let me worry about that.
-No, l'm an art dealer, not a fence. -A fence?
l'll do it entirely on my own. All l need is an opening contact.
-De Solnay? All right. -Wait!
There happens to be a man in Paris at the moment...
who specializes in matters of fine art.
His name is.... No, Leland, please! Think of what you're trying to do.
-What about Nicole Bonnet? -l want both. Nicole and the Venus.
Leland, remember? l sold you your first painting.
l made you a collector. l thought it'd help you relax.
lt's great! l've never been so relaxed in all my life!
-Yes, l can see that. -All right. The name!
The name is Simon Dermott. He is staying at the Ritz.
Night Fighter calling Dawn Patrol.
Our telephone may be tapped, so we will conduct this conversation in Swahili.
How are you?
Did you sleep well?
Simon, isn't it too awful? l slept beautifully!
And l've just eaten an enormous breakfast. lsn't it ghastly?
lt's your tainted blood.
Who? What?
She's fine. She's wrapped up in one of my old shirts, just as snug as can be.
l rocked her to sleep in my arms last night.
lt's the first time l ever did that with a grandmother.
Simon, do you think we should be seen together?
All right. ln an hour at the Ritz bar.
The Cellini Venus was uninsured.
-Uninsured? -Yes.
But l vaguely recollect signing something for insurance.
But the policy was not yet in force.
Not until the technical examination had been made.
Yes, the technical examination.
Well, $1,000,000 more, $1,000,000 less.
l believe my father did buy it at a bargain price.
My dear sir, you are a prince.
l wish l could express properly what l feel.
Prof. Bauer, l dare say, will be greatly disappointed.
Yes, and l must meet him now.
Give him my regards, and say l'm sorry to have been unable to see him on this trip.
Now cheer up, my dear fellow. lt's not the end of the world, you know.
Marcel, champagne!
-Where are you? -l'm here. We're saved!
-lsn't it marvelous? -My darling!
-Thank heaven for the criminal class. -l'm so happy.
You don't have to go to jail. l don't have to go to America. lt's beautiful!
We must celebrate! Marcel, take it into the library.
We'll have a lunch and again tonight, fireworks, cocktails, a magnificent dinner!
But not right away. l have a very important appointment at the Ritz.
-But l'll be right back, l promise. -That's good.
l'll start by myself.
The Ritz? Again?
You realize what you're asking is extremely difficult and dangerous?
-Yes, l know that, Mr. Dermott. -Please, no names.
We may be up against some very desperate characters.
-Them? -Those.
Fortunately, l've a few contacts. ln fact, this morning...
l made a few inquiries, you know, put out a few feelers. Just idle curiosity.
-You've got a lead? -Too early for anything concrete.
Let's just say l suspect who was involved.
ls it, you know, what we're talking about, is it still in France?
l think so. l think l can definitely state it's still in France.
You realize you might be paying a great deal of money...
for something you could never exhibit, acknowledge, or even display...
-not even in your house? -Yes, l know. l want it!
l just want to take it out of the vault, all alone, just look at it now and then.
Know that it's mine, that l own it, that l can touch it.
One more thing.
Do you happen to know the owners, any member of the Bonnet family?
l've met Bonnet. l know his daughter, too.
As a matter of fact, l'm going to see her tonight.
Drop her! Don't see her. Don't even telephone her. That's vital!
Any contact with any member of the Bonnet family would be fatal.
-The criminals would suspect a trap. -But we're engaged.
You know, you're a lucky fellow. From what l hear, she's an enchanting girl.
What the hell! The world's full of statues. Forget the Venus.
No! Listen!
l'll do anything you say. l'll give you my word.
-l'll call you later in the day. -All right. You'll contact me. Thanks.
-Sit tight. Wait for the call. -Right.
-Do l look all right? -Fine. Why?
l just met this fellow, and he treated me like l was a leper or something.
l just wanted to give him back this.
Really? Have a drink. Good for morale.
Let's have some champagne to celebrate.
You can't celebrate a crime. That's immoral.
-You handle it. lt's too confusing. -A bottle of Dom Perignon, please.
lt's all right. You're at the awkward age.
Too old to be a juvenile delinquent, too young to be a hardened criminal.
We did it! Did you see the papers and the television? Did you hear the radio?
lt's the crime of the century, practically. And we did it!
You were the brain behind it, but l was of some help, wasn't l?
l mean, we worked well together, considering it was our first job.
-Calm down. -l know l shouldn't carry on so...
it's all in a day's work for you, but it's my first burglary.
-And mine, too. -Bringing it off the way we....
What?
My first burglary.
Then what were you doing in our house that night?
You're sure you want to know?
l'm a private detective, specializing in stolen works of art...
and in tracing, detecting, and exposing forgeries.
l am also an authority on museum security...
being a special consultant to principal museums...
in London, New York, Chicago, Madrid. Even Leningrad.
l have degrees in history of art and chemistry...
and a London University diploma, with distinction, in advanced criminology.
You're all of that?
Then you're not a burglar?
l was chipping a piece of your father's paint from that van Gogh...
when you loomed up in your nighty and shot me in the arm.
-Bring another glass. -Yes, sir.
l don't believe we've met. My name is Charles Bonnet.
-May l please join you? -Simon Dermott. By all means.
Papa, this is a friend of mine. He's a.... l mean, he was telling me....
Yes. Blue eyes, tall, quite good-looking.
A terrible man!
l believe we have some interests in common.
You have two gorgeous girls in your family, Mr. Bonnet.
The other is upstairs, wrapped in a shirt, in my room.
And which, may l ask, do you intend to keep?
The real one.
-A very sound choice, if l may say so. -l think so.
And the other?
l have plans for her, too. l think you'll be pleased.
Really?
ln fact l have to attend to her right now, so if you'll both excuse me?
Extraordinary! ls he always so abrupt?
Not in a closet.
Key!
You've done a wonderful job! You sure you don't want any money?
You will be contacted.
Don't worry if it's not in the near future.
Right!
The code word will be ''togetherness.''
''Togetherness.'' l got it.
-Happy landings! -The same to you!
My dear boy, what a coup!
And he's the only collector who'd never dare have it tested.
How much did you say he was paying for the Venus, my son?
l didn't say, Papa.
But l'm sure you picked a nice, round figure.
l have.
$0.00
Gift from Charles Bonnet to Davis Leland.
-But this-- -Sit down, Mr. Bonnet.
You happen to be a forger.
My business happens to be catching forgers...
and putting them in prison.
Yes, that could be very awkward.
One of us has to retire.
Fair enough! Shall we toss a coin for it?
l've already tossed one on the way here.
-And? -You lost.
Come on. You had a great run, and you were the best.
Hang up your brushes and paints, and retire while you're on top.
What do you say, champ?
Here is my answer.
lndian wrestling at a time like this?
Nicole, my darling child.
You tell her. l'm too moved.
Papa has seen the light. He's going straight.
-Papa, will you be all right? -He'll survive.
lf we miss our plane, we may be getting married in prison.
This is a most remarkable young man.
The way he explained things, the path of righteousness...
became clearly defined.
Now hurry, my children, before l break down completely.
The van Gogh?
Seńor. Welcome! Come in....
Who's that?
Papa's cousin.
From South America.
Go!
For someone who started lying just recently...
you're showing a real flair.
Thank you.